nadzieja's Xanga

Learning to be beautiful... I think.

Fri, 10 Nov 2006 18:55:06 GMT

Well it has been a while but here si something that was on my mind today...and these past few weeks. I sent it in an e-mail to a friend:

I have actually been thinking a lot about what it means to be a girl/woman in today's world. I mean I think that I am really afraid to be a real woman I mean all that is woman because I fear that it is weak and weak means a guy will take advantage of it and of me, you know what I mean? I don't know if it has come from my life experiences or what, but I know that I am afraid now to truly be feminine and womanly... to play the woman so that some guy can play the man. I really am a hopeless romantic at heart and really honestly want a guy who is "all that is man" I guess... I want a REAL man... not some reflection of what one could be or what the world thinks is a good definition of one. I want a real one and there aren't very many of those around. I have found, though, that in my fear of being taken advantage of, I have thrown up defenses and have tried to play tough so that no guy would think to mess with me or to try to use me... I am afraid that I may be or become intimidating to guys and then scare them off cause I am to boyish to be feminine... ok well I don't know why I just thought to tell you those things but they have been going through my mind these past few days and I was thinking about them... I thought I'd share my thoughts with you.

I was reading the Bible today, though and was asking God what He thought about it. I think that I figured out something. I was reading 1 Peter and it talks about the women of old and how beautiful they were. For a long time that intimidated me as a girl... I was like what is this God? You say that all the women of the Bible were so beautiful and I don't feel like I am. So does that mean that I am not as beloved or something? Because all of them were amazingly beautiful and I feel average. So I was talking with God about that and this is what 1 Peter 3:3-4 says.

"3 Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. 4 You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God."

I had always thought about this in the form of being beautiful... but God really opened my eyes, I think this morning as I realized that these women were so beautiful BECAUSE they were WOMEN and not men.... do you see what I mean? They were so beautiful because they were who they were made to be. It is like anything else in the world... let's say... a swimming pool. I know, RANDOM, but think about it. Now... There is this swimming pool in the middle of Siberia... It is frozen over more than half of the year... it is often used as a marker for where to part cars in this family’s back yard... that is about all it is good for... It isn't being used for what it is made to be used for. Now take that same swimming pool and take it to the harsh and mysterious lands of Ethiopia... Just to remind you... it is HOT there... ") So you are traveling through dessert and all and it is just unbearable... You come upon this house and it has high walls and you know it is a secure place to be...You happen to know who lives there and you enter... there, in the most beautiful and exotic yard you have ever seen, is a cool sparkling pool.

Now that is what it was meant to be used for. That was what it was created to be... an oasis from the heat of life... That is what women are meant to be... God made us to be an oasis for people. He made us to be a place where they can come to and feel safe... like we are not going to threaten them or use their vulnerability against them... they don't have to be on guard around us... They can drop their swords and find rest knowing that their hearts are safe and they can rest with us. That is the kind of woman I want to be. One whose presence makes someone feel like their heart can rest and I won't threaten them but will protect them... I think I figured it out. The thing that made those women so beautiful was not that they had this color hair or were that size or had curves or didn't... it was because they were so gentle and they were quiet... a place where men's hearts could rest. I don't mean every man in an intimate way but just to rest and feel safe. Guys are really attracted to women like that... and women who are like that are even beautiful to other women... you know what I mean?

I think that women of old were so beautiful because they were so different from men. Not that men can't be gentle and thoughtful... I know plenty of guys who are gentle and kind and loving and the whole bit. I mean, though, that women are needed in the battle of life just as much as men are... no more and no less. Just like we need men who will fight... we need women who will be a place where they can come away from the fight and rest.

Hmm so I think now that I figured it out... now I have to figure out how to do it. I have to figure out how to take those things that I can put into words and learn how to put them into action. I don't really know how to do that but I guess that will be the next lesson.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Fri, 18 Aug 2006 17:15:30 GMT

James 1.1

“This letter is from James, a slave of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ. It is written to the Jewish Christians scattered among the nations. Greetings!”

Ok so I have been taking care of the baby of one of the Dr.s working here for the last week. She is pretty sweet but really small and thus a little boring… I mean she is cute and all, I guess but I don’t know, when the baby isn’t a relative, it is just hard to think of them as just as cute. Anyway, she is fairly cute, I guess, and sleeps a lot. She is like 2.5 months old… so ok whatever. ANYWAY. I was killing time here in the office and was like, cool I can get into the Word and that will be swell.

So I crack open my Bible. I had just finished Hebrews so I was like, hm, why not read James? So I start reading and didn’t actually get farther than the first verse before God threw something right at me. Did you guys catch what it was that could have hit me so hard? It is the way he identifies himself and really how he doesn’t. The only identification he gives “the Jewish Christians scattered among the nations” was that his name was James and he was “a slave of God and the Lord Jesus Christ”… then he jumps into encouraging them. I was really struck by that… in the world we are so focused on our identities that it actually consumes us and saturates our lives.

It seems that sometimes you meet someone and it goes something like this. Hi, My name is Helen Stockdale (now, see, I just HAD to throw my last name in there, [as if they really cared] because my parents are highly respected in a few states and even countries. They are missionaries… and so on… Now, I couldn’t have left that part out cause after all that is part of my very important identity, right? Shamefully I have thought that actually from time to time. I know it is ridiculously arrogant but I am telling you honestly.) So then my introduction will go on to say my age (assuming I am talking to people face to face, [and they are not blind] they have already mentally yet subconsciously realized my gender, height, hair length/ color, eye color, skin color, approximate age, style of clothing and thus a hint of personality, people skills, if I am married, if I am more of an athlete or artist or both, and other random facts. I may go on to tell them what my nationality is (that applies more in other countries, but from time to time in the U.S. as well.) I may tell them where I live here, what I am planning on studying in school and where I will go, where I went to high school, where I have lived, and what languages I speak (though I don’t like to bring that up unless I am cornered into it or on a plane with an old lady who can’t speak English, because it is awkward for most Americans.) I tell them where I work and so on and so forth. The list goes on and on.

Now, I don’t usually, if ever, tell people that all at once when I meet them… but I do tell them some of that. The thing is, we have to know WHO people are if we are going to categorize them into boxes. That way we know how to treat them. See you wouldn’t treat a crabby old lady with the same courtesy as a vibrant, young and beautiful woman, or would you? The thing is, with out realizing it, we give so much worth to the identities of people and they are in turn forced to make sure that the things that define them are in fact putting their best face forward- giving them the best chance for success and being liked and so on. Even godly Christians struggle with this identity thing. We want to know that the things that define us actually do set us apart as special and will manicure our identities till we are confident in them. The horrible thing, though, is that it is truly no more than a vicious cycle which holds us captive. We cannot be confident in them and that makes us desperate. We then franticly search for something else which will give us the confidence we need in order to move forward or even survive. We push for the best and for success thinking that the better skilled, more talented, better looking, better educated we are we will somehow be more satisfied in ourselves. The horror of it is that it doesn’t work and we panic, thinking there is something wrong with us. Because we cannot put our finger on the problem we work even more franticly to compensate for this unknown weakness all the while looking at others with the perception that they are at least one step ahead… though we would never admit that to someone else and even rarely to ourselves.

I was so struck by the way in which James identifies himself to the believers… hey guys, my name is James and I am a slave to God. That’s it. I began thinking on it more and have realized that honestly, I struggle with it a lot… and though people deny their identity issues, everyone has them and wrestles with them day and night. The only people in the world who really probably don’t wrestle with this would have to be the people who are ok with identifying themselves simply as slaves of God and the Lord Jesus Christ. You know, I was thinking yesterday how people go to school and take up all their time (and complain about it) so that they can get jobs… which take up all their time… (which they complain about.) We work so hard on creating this ideal identity and are so busy with getting a little farther along that we miss the point. All we need to become confident in us is stop caring about us.

I was checking out some Mainstay lyrics and this is what one of the band had to say about the song Mirrors:

Behind the Song:
"Like much of this record, this song is aimed at showing Christians that many of the answers we are getting to our problems today are man-centered and ineffective when dealing with problems of sin, depression, and self-worth. Pop psychology has infiltrated the church so much that we forget that the ultimate end of man is not to feel good about one's self or focus on finding who we are, but rather to be "taken by God's glory" and lose interest in our worth, self-esteem, or value. That is the theme that this song tackles - The way for believers to be happy and feel valuable is to value God supremely and reject any notions of "self-help." If man is truly dead in trespasses and sins, the term "self-help" is ridiculous. We need Christ to redeem us from our sin, and find our value in His saving work on the cross. Instead of looking in the mirror and treasuring the good in us, we need to be transfixed on Christ and treasuring and savoring the ultimate good - and rejoicing in the fact that He imparts HIS righteousness to us, undeserving as we are.” - Justin Anderson (Mainstay)

The second to last line of the song says, “I don't care who I am, I lost that interest…” That, I think, is key. Not only do we have to let ourselves die… we also have to die to the interest in ourselves… the interest in our gain and success. We cannot look at people the same way we used to… “15He died for everyone so that those who receive his new life will no longer live to please themselves. Instead, they will live to please Christ, who died and was raised for them.

16So we have stopped evaluating others by what the world thinks about them. Once I mistakenly thought of Christ that way, as though he were merely a human being. How differently I think about him now!” (1Corinthians 5, 15-16)

When we find our identity and confidence in God we actually have to loose interest in ourselves… only by dying can we truly live. When we find it in Him, the other stuff kind of fades away. Not only do they fade away in you, but you stop being impressed with the worldly definition of people and start to seek out and value their hearts… drawing them to the Lord. You know I thought about these things and wondered why I spend so much time making sure I have my stuff in line any yet run out the door with out having a substantial QT. If my only identity was in God and in my relation to Him, how much more do you think I would work on my relationship and manicure it so that it becomes beautiful… and the more I work on it, the more confident I will become (which actually is a novelty) and the less I will care about other things and making it to the top or even making people like me. It all comes from Him and everything of worth is found in Him. He is what gives me any value at all… if not for Him, I am just kind of useless and a big mess of pain, anger, hurt, self pity, arrogance… the list is too long but you get the picture. Anything beautiful comes from Him.

Well that is my long QT thought for the day… and maybe the week and maybe the month… but chew on that and see what you are doing to identify yourselves. Tell me your thoughts on it. Go for it.

Helenka

Friday, July 28, 2006

Fri, 28 Jul 2006 18:41:47 GMT

Wow, so this has been an amazing trip. I don’t know if I will ever get to explain it to anyone in a way that justifies the wonders that God has done. So let me see if I can put it in a short form… I have a feeling that another of my famous posts is about to happen… So let me see if I can tell you all what has happened. So I left Columbia at about 19.30 on Sunday the 10^th and drove to St. Louis. I got to bed that night at about 0.00 that night. I got up the next morning at about 6.00 and went with my sister to the air port. I took off at about 9.00 I think and landed in Chicago… took off from there to Charlotte, N.C. I met up with David and Amy and their daughter, Bess, 6 years old, Charles, Faith, Nick and Becky. We flew over together and landed in Munchen. From there, we flew to Krakow where we were met by a guy from the Missions organization that GCM Poland works with. They are really a solid group of people. Any way we met up with more of our team Corrie, Carrie and Roz, Steve and my Dad. We had a few days of orientation and then Dad and I went up to Poznan while the others went to Auschwitz/ Birkenau. I had already been there a few times so I didn’t really feel like going again. I also really wanted to spend some time with my dad. He is pretty swell.

We got up there and began getting ready for camp. Our camp Motto was “Think Again”. Every morning we met in my parents house for breakfast and devotions. We met the rest of our team who were… Sasha, Ania, and their baby Katie, Uncle David, Aunt Mindy… Lukasz (our beloved translator)… and the rest of my family… Mom, Graham, Isaac, and Lynne. Those were great… after that we all headed over to the school where we had our camps. We spent a day or two getting ready…

Then the campers came and we spent time getting to know them with games, taught classes, ate together, and had an evening of fun where we had a theme song and dance, other fun songs like Pharaoh Pharaoh, and then dad would speak for about 20-30 minutes. After that we broke down into discussion groups and interacted about different questions that Dad had for us pertaining to the talk.

It was so cool. I guess over time I will have to relay the things that God allowed to happen and the confersations He orchestrated. For now know that the Spirit was there and was strong… One guy said… you know, I know people from all over the world… here here here here and here… but I have never met anyone like you guys. He said this to about 4 people and by the grace of God and honestly the Spirit inside us we all responded similarly. We were all like well you know, that is really cool, but you know it is not because we are American. It is God inside us that gives us the joy you see and the peace you see… it was so cool. He later told us that this camp was interesting and that his favorite parts were not the games or food or teaching… they were the talks Dad gave every night and the testimonies that 2 Polish teens gave at the end. He said, you know, this camp has really helped me to “think again” about some really important things in my life. I think I will have to think more on these things. (Praise the Lord, right?) Another guy told his discussion group that he was atheist blatantly… graciously but bluntly. We were all ok with that and just loved him the same… by the end he said you know I think that I have begun to “think again” about God and all. It was so cool. He also mentioned that he liked Dad’s talks a lot and that he thought about them the rest of the night after he finished… he would go home and go to bed and think about them the whole time…

I don’t know what else will happen as a result of this camp but I am sure we will see more fruit in the days and even years to come… the growth process is really slow here. So that is what happened in a nut shell.

I am now spending time with my family for a few more days before I return to Columbia… I have mixed feelings about returning and don’t know how to take it. I am asking… pleading with you to pray for me as I return. Pray that God’s presence will be strong in my heart. Pray that I be filled with the spirit and that I respond to natural feelings of returning through the lenses of the Word.

Well that is about all, I think. So yeah, I’ll keep you updated.

(P.S. I tried to post pictures but couldn't gert them uploaded. I'll try to do it later.)

Monday, July 03, 2006

Mon, 03 Jul 2006 21:03:08 GMT

Guys in one week I will be flying to Polska. Pray for the trip... for God to be glorified in and through us, for s to be amazed once again at Him, for safety, for His spirit to go before, after, and all around us, pray for patience in holding our tongue when we are itching to "jump the gun" and pray for boldness when He says "ok shoot," pray also... please that God would use me to encourage the saints there. They are so much on my heart and I can't wait to see them again. Life has changed so much but my love for them says steady... Pray that above all else He will be honored in our lives. I wanna see God wqork for the greatest amount of glory for Him possible which I think will bring the greatest amount of joy for us.

God, today I choose to give to you. Today I choose to go about the every day in and out with your glory in mind. Don't let me forget that it is all about you... my whole life is. I would be a fool to think other wise. If I don't live it for you... it is really not worth living. So today I choose to put on my armor and to go out to the battle field focused and dedicated toward that goal. I want to play out my life for the audience of One...and that audience isn't anyone other than you... even living it in a way that "is right for me" is stupid cause it isn't about me it is about You. Let our trip to Polska reflect this prayer... let it all be with our focus sharp and our dedication sure. Be glorified in me. And God... it would be cool to see you, the Giver of Life, in action over there. Breathe life into someone over there, I pray.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Wed, 21 Jun 2006 19:47:19 GMT

There we are... the oldest five. Wow I am short next to Luke... even shorter than Ann... so it is Ann- Caleb- Esther- Luke- Me... in order of age.

More later on that and the amazing things God has done.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Thu, 01 Jun 2006 18:11:14 GMT

Yeah! I get to see half of my family in a few days and the other half in a few months!!! Woot! So I get to see Annie (she is the one in the gold tank top and her husband is at the bottom with their 2 cute kiddos... I get to see them, too!) and Caleb, he is the tall one that isn't harry... and his wife but I don't have a picture of her up. and I get to see Esther... she is the one in a black t-shirt. (We look the least alike and probably are the least alike but I get to drive with JUST HER from Florida next weekend!!!!!! I am so excited about it! Yeah! and I will see Luke and his wife too (he is the harry one) but I see them all the time. We are driving down together. but I am so excited to see them! It will be good to talk with my family you know... I have been realizing that my family is really strange and pretty much we understand and care about eachoter more than anyone else in the world... we are that tight. So I will get to have some good long sister talks with both sisters, I think.

Then! After that!!!! I get to go back to Poland!!!!!!! YEah! I am so excited ! I can hardly wait to be there again. I know it is going to be crazy different. I mean the whole dynamic will be different than when I left... but I will get to be there again and that rocks my socks off... as somebody once said! I will get to be there for a while and can't wait!!! Yeah then I will get to see the other half of my family! It will be amazing cause that is just how God is.

That is about all... well there is a few more things in my head but I won't do that to you.

PICTURES

Mon, 22 May 2006 20:42:36 GMT

Welp... here is the clan... the 10 tribes of Jack!

Arent they so cute!?! Do we look like our parents, or what?

The boys!

The girls...

Jason... he is almost 3!

Usually Steve is the one with the food on his face... I think maybe his dad fixed it... and made J-man have the messy face... It hink it is really Steve with the messy face... sorry to rat on you, man!

Corrie Pin-cess (as J-man says)... wow they are cute!

Sisters... can you tell?

With Daddy... that is all for now, folks!

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Sat, 13 May 2006 00:18:07 GMT

Wow so I haven’t really written on here in quite a long time. I figure I will start it now. So It has been so cool God has been touching my heart in amazing ways these past few days since going to St. Louis. I went there to help a friend and then stayed there for the weekend and was so refreshed by the saints there. God really was able to speak to me in some really real ways through a good solid QT with Him in a park I used to go to as a child as well as a good long talk with a close friend of mine on Saturday night. So I was feeling like God I feel so stressed out and like I am carrying weights that are just too heavy for me. God I feel robbed of my joy and I feel captive of my fears. I am so afraid of disappointing some specific people and I feel that I am succeeding in failing them. What ever I do or what ever I choose it is not quite enough for them… they always expect something more or different and I end up not enough. Lord I fear disappointing you now because I cannot even please people. I usually am not a people pleaser, Lord, you know that. But I feel like I have one hand tied behind my back and I am expected to fight. Lord I can’t! I don’t have the information or the experience or even the general knowledge. I do know enough… GOD I AM NOT ENOUGH! I feel captive of my fear of failure. I am tired… I can’t go farther and I give it up to you. Take this life. Take my gifts and experiences and make me like you. I went on like that with Him for a while and vented and unloaded all the weight that I had been carrying around for a long time on Him. I also have felt a heavy weight about some really close friends of mine and feel helpless in the situations. It was just too much. Then I read this:

Psalm 34. 1-8
“1 I will praise the LORD at all times. I will constantly speak his praises. 2 I will boast only in the LORD; let all who are discouraged take heart. 3 Come, let us tell of the LORD's greatness; let us exalt his name together. 4 I prayed to the LORD, and he answered me, freeing me from all my fears. 5 Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces. 6 I cried out to the LORD in my suffering, and he heard me. He set me free from all my fears. 7 For the angel of the LORD guards all who fear him, and he rescues them. 8 Taste and see that the LORD is good. Oh, the joys of those who trust in him!”

Wow! Talk about amazing! He totally answered me and came and met me there in that exhausted place. He refreshed me and encouraged me and I was so free because of it! You know, it was for FREEDOM that Christ has set us free! That is why he freed us! I just wanted to remind you of that.

So I was talking to this friend of mine and we were discussing carrying the weights that we had. I was like, you know, it is like we are getting ready to go on a journey. We begin our journey at a house where God is standing there on the trail just relaxed and smiling waiting patiently for me to come out. Finally I got out there and He smiled a gentle hello. I smiled back as I grunted and pulled my trunk through the door. “What do you have there?” He asked curiously, guessing long before I answered. “Oh, just some stuff I didn’t want to leave behind.” I replied offhanded. “Are you ready?” He asked me. “Uh… yeah… whew… I just have to get this out the door.” I replied. As He watched me struggle he took a step forward. “Can I help you?” He offered, seeming amused at my efforts. “Oh, no I am fine. I got it.” I replied confidently as I struggled down the step with it. After getting to the bottom of the few stairs, I stood and stretched. He looked around, took in a deep breath, and slowly began to walk down a dirt path. I assessed that the best way to move my heavy trunk was by facing it and pulling it after me as I walked backwards. I took a step and nearly tripped over a stump. After regaining my balance I tugged my trunk along. God had only taken a few steps and turned around to check on my progress. “Are you sure you are alright?” He asked again. “Yeah I am fine,” I told Him as I reassessed my game plan. After thinking it over for a moment I thought it would be better to pull it behind me as I walked STRAIGHT forward. I realized that He was just standing there watching me and half smiled at Him as I tugged my luggage over a bump in the road. After strugglingalonglike this for anout 10minutes, He spoke up again. “You know I could help you with it if you would like.” He offered again. “No I’m fine.” I told him beginning to feel a tinge of frustration. “I just need to get it going and we can be on our way.” “Are you sure?” He asked gently as He watched me fight a tough spot in the dirt. The corner of my luggage had fallen into a small hole in the road and I had to jerk it out in order to keep going. “Honey,” He said gently as he walked over with a hand stretched out, “why don’t you let me carry it and we can be on our way.”

“No God! I am fine ok? I just need to get it going and once it gets running smoothly, it won’t be as big as a deal. I don’t need your help!” He stood there quietly and watched my progress as I slid my trunk over another root. “Well,” He began, “I really want you to see where I am going to take you. I know you will love it there and I just would like to carry tour luggage for you. I assure you it is no problem. I am capable of carrying it quite well.” I only rolled my eyes and heaved as I pulled it out of another divot in the road. We went on like this for another few minutes and my patience grew less and less. Again I heard His voice patiently say, “Honey…”

“What?” I snapped back at Him. “Let me help you.” He replied more firmly. “You know what, God I don’t even think I want to go on this journey any more, ok! So far we have been going for about 20 minutes and I am not five feet from the step. I just can’t drag this luggage much longer and I think this trip is going to take a while! There is too much stuff for me to carry and don’t even ask me to leave it behind, I CAN’T! I have to carry it with me! I am already tired and I feel like we aren’t getting anywhere! You said it would be a great idea… well so far I don’t think this is a very good idea!” As I vented on Him, He slowly smiled as if at some humorous irony. “WHAT?” I yelled at Him again. “I was just thinking that I could carry it for you and all you would have to worry about is holding my hand so we can move on together.” I knew He was right but I hate admitting I am wrong or not able to do somthing alone. Half of me wanted to just be proud and attack Him again for thinging that I couldn't get it myself. I mean I HAD gotten it 6 feet in 20 minutes. It was probably better than most of my girl friends could have done. On the other hand I kewthat he wasn't like that. He really didn't think less of me, He only wanted to help me and love me by carrying the burden for me. I knew it was smart but my stupit pride kept arguing with me. I was Exhausted, and finally I stood up straight and stretched my back. I took a deep breath and, finding that the fight was out of me and that I really was being ridiculous in denying His help, I yielded. “Ok,” I slowly said. “You can take it… go ahead. It is too heavy for me to carry. right about now I think all I can do is walk and I would like your hand to help me 'cause I am really tired.” Calmly he walked over to me, effortlessly lifted the trunk up onto his shoulder, smiled at me and offered His hand. "That is all I asked." I half smiled as I took His hand and the journey began.

Lay it all at His feet… He is capable of carrying it.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Wed, 10 May 2006 13:48:02 GMT

Ok so I read this quote... I thought it was funny... yeah for Shakespear's Pizza adds!

"Eagles may soar but worms don't get sucked into jet engines."

Which would you like to be a worm who never leaves the ground and is more or less safe (unless it gets squished) or an eagle who flies above the mountains with the risk of jet engines?

Monday, April 24, 2006

Mon, 24 Apr 2006 18:10:42 GMT

God, what a fool I have been. As if I could understand you. As if I could ever understand the ins and outs of your heart. All I can do is say thanks. I get too full of myself at times and think that you should answer my questions and accusations at the drop of a hat... and that you should give me every answer in childrens words when you wrote it on my heart with the words of a poet. God you are much more passionate than I can understand. I don't wnat to change your passionate and even romantic whispers to my heart... I don't want to bring them down and make them less than what they are. I want to rise to that level of communication... I want to learn that language... your language... the language of heaven. Teach me heaven's language... I want to know you more... I need you to translate these wonders to my heart.

There You Are- Carolyn Arends

I was hoping you would write to me a message in the stars
As if the stars themselves were not enough
And I awaited your arrival here from some place very far
As if I couldn't feel your constant touch
Why did I think that you'd send thunder
To wake me from my slumber
When anytime I open up my eyes

Chorus:
There you are - loving me like crazy
There you are - though I am unaware
There you are - when my heart is doubting
Even there you are

I was waiting for a miracle and hoping for a sign
As if each breath I take is not a gift
And I was acting just as if the way you gave your life for mine
Didn't have my foolish heart convinced
What did I think could cause this hunger
Did I ever stop to wonder
Why every time I open my eyes

Repeat chorus

I was hoping you would write to me a message in the stars
As if the stars themselves were not enough